Merry Christmas!
‘Twas the night before Caturday, closed were the pools
Vids of Saint Rickrollas posted by trolls
I, in my Guy Fawkes mask, her, licking my sack,
Had decided to hate people of skin coloured black
I heard a loud CRASH and put down my liquor
Was our home being robbed… by a nigger?
I threw open the door and who should I see
But Raptor Jesus eating a baby
Sweet Raptor Jesus, the Almighty Reptile
Was clutching an uzi, looking hostile
“O Raptor Jesus!” I fell to my knees
He undid his pants and yelled, “Bitch, suck on THESE!”
Within moments his sacred love juice came a-gushing
But it was not gay, for our balls were not touching
“Where is your god now?” he said with a grin
Blessed dino spooge dripping from my chin
“I don’t GIVE gifts,” he explained to me
“I offer a system of barter, you see”
He did up his pants and pulled out a bag
Full of win, torrents, and hentai mags
Pedobear plushies! Codes that trip!
/d/elicious caek! Handmade Mudkips!
He gave me my gifts: a bottle of lube
And a Weighted Companion Cube
“Your girlfriend,” he asked, “Is she hot?”
She appeared in the doorway; he yelled “JACKPOT!”
He stretched out her vag, once tight and narrow
in exchange for copypasta with oregano
We smiled and waved as he went on his way
Knowing that, in nine months, my girlfriend would pay
As he ventures through the night, Raptor Jesus sings
“This is why we can’t have nice things.”
- Credits go to whomever wrote this fine piece of art.
